You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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