If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
