Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
