We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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