just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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