I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are we still banned from the library?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
