Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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