at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
