The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
