I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
