also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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