well you can't waste a boner
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
