well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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