So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
