I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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