Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
