I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
