when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
