sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we're so committed to being not committed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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