is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
