I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize