The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
