You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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