Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
