she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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