when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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