they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ttyl tear gas
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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