New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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