im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
