belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
what day is it and did you see me today?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize