Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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