Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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