I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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