a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
