Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
