We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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