'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
