we have officially lost it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
