ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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