I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
