Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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