Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
third nipple confirmed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
