i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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