I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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