my mouth tastes like poor choices
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
