I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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