i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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