nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
