Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
