I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
where are my eyebrows?
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