If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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