Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
