Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize