just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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