She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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