It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
