Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
