Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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