he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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