I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
