its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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