I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
