It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
