Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
