Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
