The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize