Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
