I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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