He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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