I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
